The other day my son wanted some doughnuts from a nearby supermarket. They make great doughnuts – super light and fluffy, with an icing sugar coating instead of the usual crunchy sugar.
We were driving by and I could have stopped but I didn’t.
Not because I didn’t care, but because I am always caring.
Some days I just can’t do any more.
I wanted to stop. I wanted to make him happy.
But I just couldn’t face getting him in and out of the car again. Getting a wheelchair in and out of a car may not seem that difficult ,but it is.
Especially when you have already done it 6-8 times that day, locking down and tightening four points before attaching the seat belt.
Especially when you have hoisted from chair to bench to toilet, then back to bench and to chair 4 times and it is only just lunch time.
Especially when you have hoisted to the floor and done therapeutic exercises with a child who needed massive amounts of encouragement and fought against you as though his life depended upon it!
Especially when you didn’t sleep last night because your back hurt from doing all this yesterday.
Especially when you know he had a big drink a short while ago and there are no accessible toilets in that supermarket.
Especially when you know you have to do it all again this afternoon, then tomorrow and the day after that…
Sometimes I have to say no to my son when most people would say yes.
Because I am weighing up his disappointment against the risk of injuring myself by doing just one more thing.
And sometimes, getting doughnuts would just be too much.
Ordinary Hopes 
Feel for you and totally understand why you’d need to weigh up your actions. It must be so exhausting. Definitely sounds like you could do with more help
LikeLiked by 1 person
Desperately. Caring round the clock is exhausting. Our son has not been to school for 5 years now. Home education is the best thing for him but it would be good if the local authority would offer some support. I wish they would consider the savings – he had 2 staff at all times just for him when he was at school. Yet they will not support home education.
LikeLike
Oh poor you hun. It is a full time job being a carer. My foster mum looks after my foster sister who aged 7 has a limited vocabulary and the developmental age of a three year old. She has extreme sensitivity to certain noises and textures and has health issues. Williams Syndrome means that sometimes you need to say no because you care too much so I know what you mean.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can imagine how difficult it is. What’s easy for others, is extremely difficult for you. Sending virtual hugs. x
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can only begin to imagine how difficult it must be having to weigh up every simple decision and choice like this, and all those so many of us…myself included, take for granted x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Going out involves weighing up the last point to give a drink and when to go to the toilet to enable us to get to where we are going on time and maximise the likely time we can stay out.
It needs to improve.x
LikeLike
Be kind to yourself. Adam needs a mum more than the doughnuts.
Hugs xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
He does. Thank you.x
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s so sad that tasks which most of us take for granted are so tough for you and your son x
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know a lot of us will just take something like this for granted. You’re so strong. I’m not sure I could cope nearly as well as you do.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is amazing what you can do when you need to. You would manage too.x
LikeLike
I feel for you here. I am tired just thinking about how much you did that day. Some days must be so tough. You are doing a great job. I get tired out just walking myself up 2 flights of stairs now days 😦
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can only imagine. Caring around the clock and having to overthink things to plan must be draining. You doing a great job.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am so sorry to read this post. It sounds like a daily struggle. I find it tough enough getting my son out of his car seat and carrying him around the store but a wheelchair must take much longer to set up. You are doing a FAB job;) xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really feel for you. It must be so hard. Is there anymore support you could get locally? X
LikeLike
Sadly, very little from services. I do have a lot of wonderful friends though and they make a huge difference to our lives.
LikeLike
I can’t even imagine how much so many of us take for granted. You are such an amazing, strong person. It must be so difficult so much of the time. I wish for you, that places would be more accessible so those trips could become easier and so that you wouldn’t have to say no. x
LikeLike
Thank you.x
LikeLike