Ordinary Hopes

I recently saw something which hit me like a brick.

A really big brick.

And it left my heart open and aching.

Yet it was just a photograph of 30 smiling children.

But they weren’t just any children.
They were the children my son started with in Reception class.
The ones we planned on him growing up with.

And they were celebrating finishing their SATs.

My son isn’t sitting unaided, let alone taking SATs.
And I am very glad that he doesn’t go to school.
But that didn’t stop it hurting.

School isn’t the right environment for him.
He is learning at his own pace and in his own way.
And he is top of his class in home education! 😉

But I was struck at how much they had all moved away from him.

In Reception class he was tiny, smaller than most, but others were small too.
In Reception class they were all at the beginning.

But these children were strong looking, healthy, able children.
Bright -eyed, active, interested in the world and ready for the next step.

And I knew that, had Adam been in that photo, he would have been unable to look at the camera, let alone pose for it. He would have looked lost and sad. He would have felt it too.

My boy is who he is and I am so very proud of everything he has achieved.

He is the boy who was not expected to talk, but who never stops!
He is the boy who was not expected to self-propel, but can on flat ground.
He is the boy who was not expected to drive a powered chair, but can with support.
He is the boy who was not expected to be here now, but he is.

And he is stronger and healthier than ever before.
He has his own friends, people who love him for who he is.
He is included by them quite naturally and easily.
He is loved.
He is happy.

But I can’t help occasionally thinking of the life I dreamed of for him before he was born.

The future where he could go anywhere and be anything he dreamed of.

And I am sad because these children are being told that they can achieve anything and that they shouldn’t settle for anything less than the best.

When my own son isn’t even able to go out with dignity and comfort due to something as simple as a lack of suitable toilet facilities.

And the attitude of too many is that he should just accept that.

And that is what hurts most of all.

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One example of people expecting him to accept less happened just a few days after writing this.

I have no idea how Daleks adapted to stairs but it seems our new toy shop thinks we can.

Just because Daleks can do stairs.

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